When I first came into this program I had nothing. A few days before I came here I had a choice of going to the shelter, taking my daughter to Children’s Village or having her taken away. By some miracle I was accepted into Transitional Housing and from there I slowly started making the turn for the best.

Before I got into transitional housing I was living with my two children in my sister’s old single wide trailer in Rathdrum with her 2 children. It was not in good condition and needed major repair. I was looking for work and finally got a job at Altek through Humanix where my sister worked. I had to car pool with my sister to work daily. I was struggling with alcohol at this time and Super Bowl Sunday 2007 was thankfully the last day I drank. I decided that a place to live with my 2 children was more important than alcohol. I then moved into transitional housing on February 15, 2007.

For the past fifteen years, I have lived my life consumed with self-destructive behaviors including the abuse of heroin, cocaine, and meth. My many attempts to escape this lifestyle over the years has been very difficult to pull off. What many people don’t understand about people like me is that we hate ourselves and are miserable. We want to change our lives but have burnt so many bridges and exhausted our resources to the point that it seems futile to expect or even hope for an opportunity to change. I had succumbed to the belief that this was my fate, that this was who I would be until I died.

In March of 2000, I moved from Wyoming to North Idaho with my boyfriend and our 5 children. We moved here to get away from the drugs. I stayed clean and sober for over a year and then I started using again. My drug use caused my boyfriend to leave. He took his 3 children and left me and my kids. I was homeless.

In October 1995, I moved myself and my 4 ½ year old son from Orofino to Coeur d’Alene, leaving a bad relationship with my son’s father who was a physically and mentally abusive alcoholic. After a temporary stay in the basement of a cousin’s house, we were accepted and moved into St. Vincent de Paul’s Transitional Housing Center.

I used drugs since I was about 10 years old; meth, LSD, pot, whatever was around. I was an IV drug user for 25 years and also did over 10 years behind bars. I was in several treatment centers for my drug abuse yet I continued to put dope before my wife and kids. I would go to any means to obtain them. I hated people and myself.

Before my family and I came to live in Coeur d’Alene, I was a confident person, aware of what I wanted and raring to go for it but with no way to get there. Isn’t it funny how we can believe we are just fine — until one unexpected pothole in the road of life shakes our entire framework? Suddenly we can see all the little things that need to be tightened or adjusted — things we had no idea were there. When I arrived here, this was me.